Off Sides (Off Series, #1)

Off Sides (Off Series, #1) - Sawyer Bennett This book would've worked for me... if it was 1987.1.5 STARSThis is the story of Danny a Juilliard drop-out, current waitress and Ryan the hockey player who is also the son of a congressman and how they fell in love, beat the odds of class difference and the Republicans' strong stand against lavander hair dye and body piercings. Oh and how Danny cashed in her v-card.She gives her head a small shake in the negative which makes me grin at her. She wants my touch as much as I want to give it. ...Jesus she tastes like heaven and I can't stop the groan that is rumbling up from me....Danny's hand grip my biceps and she flexes her fingertips inward as we kiss. I can't wait for the day when those fingertips will dig into my ass... At this point I have dropped my reader on my boobs (I read lying down) from laughing too much. I don't know how to review this book because I can't take it seriously for what it is. The plot is severely dated and I can't even formulate an opinion without feeling I've been taken along for a ride and I didn't get the joke. Danny started out as a somewhat strong heroine standing up for herself. But after she and Ryan got together she's turned into a shameless hussy (her words, not mine) ever so eager to give it up to the first guy who came along.Quickly, I am moaning up a storm but I can't stop myself. I have a feeling that when we finally do the act, I'm going to be a screamer. Ryan says gosh, calls Danny toots and refers to sex as making love... and that's basically the depth of his character. The story pretty much revolved on how Danny tries to fit in Ryan's world but everything comes to head when someone from Ryan's team attempted to rape Danny (I was going to spoiler tag that but I'm not exactly encouraging people to read this one so why bother?). After beating up said bad guy to near death, this was what was next in sweet Ryan's agenda:I do as he asks and then melt when Ryan starts hummming a song to me. I don't recognize it at first but then I realize its John Lennon's Imagine, one of my all-time favorite songs. I utterly sink into Ryan and let him sing to me to wash away my fears.Because nothing comforts near-rape victims like John Lennon's Imagine.I'm giving this 1 star because it was short and the half belongs to the Honey Badger shoutout."And just so everyone is perfectly clear, I did not f*ck Angeline this afternoon, nor would I touch her with a ten foot pole again. Please make sure that is spread around. There is only one woman I want to touch. Because she's the one I love."Yes, it was THAT kind of book.In my defense, I picked this one up with the intention of fulfilling a group challenge. Only to find out later on, this wasn't the book I'm supposed to read. I'm gonna file this one under awesome moment of epic fail number 52.